For quite a while I prided myself on having regular posts and lots of ideas and so on. However, I can't say the same lately. It has been TOO long since my last post. I'm actually just sitting here writing this to prove to myself I CAN do it and I CAN make time for it. I could fall back on excuses (quite valid ones too...sickness, very active baby, lots of housework, lack of inspiration, etc) but I expect more from myself. I started this blog with the intentions of learning about the Haida culture, life on Haida Gwaii, and the feelings I have on moving my whole life across the country. So really, how can I lose inspiration with so much material to work from? Well....I'm not sure, but I have. So, because I haven't researched or prepared any topic for this blog post, I shall reflect on my current situation.
It's December...Christmas is coming faster than I had anticipated. I spend all year waiting until the day I can put up decorations (as soon as I get home from the Remembrance Day service, although I was sick this year and I had to wait until the 12th). I start listening to the Christmas hits in July and up the frequency as it get closer and closer (I should mention I'm a HUGE fan of the Galaxie Holiday channel...but do not have to use the "Yule Log" channel this year as we have a working fireplace!). I have even done alot of Christmas baking so far this season. And yet, I am feeling anxious. I'm almost dreading Christmas. The reason? It's my first Christmas out of Nova Scotia and away from my family and friends.
In the past few years Christmas has taken a very dramatic turn after losing my father, then my Nan, and my Aunt, and just last year, my Grammie...it seemed as if all of our traditions had been turned upside down. I fought against the sadness and we did end up having successful holidays. I suppose this year is just another challenge. Besides, one has to grow up sometime..I'm a mother now and so I must start my own traditions. I'm just scared because I won't have any of my family around, no familiarity, no safety. *deep breath*...
BUT, this is my first Christmas with Willie (last year I went home in December and stayed to have Noora) and it is our first family Christmas. So instead of feeling sad and lonely, I am trying to think about the ways I can make it special for Noora and for us. I think we'll be just fine...we've got our beautiful tree set up in the playpen, decorations in various spots around the house, Christmas dinner will be at Aunt Sandy's and I have a few days left to do some baking and thinking up ways to make our holidays special. Still....it'd be so nice to be able to fly home for even just a few days to give everyone a hug!
